Breathe Wrong

So, I currently look like a pregnant woman who got in a fist fight.  It is pretty awesome.

Let's backtrack a bit shall we.  I, like the majority of my wonderful family, have a deviated septum (did you know that they are so common because most babies noses are broken during childbirth????) which makes breathing a little harder than normal for me.  I can't lay down on my left side for more than a few minutes because my nostrils just don't work in that position.  Add in an awesome pregnancy where even my nasal passages have swollen up like a Thanksgiving day parade balloon, and I wouldn't be surprised if my forgetfulness is due to a lack of oxygen.  I just CAN NOT breathe out of my nose and refuse to become one of those disgusting mouth breathers.  I mean it has gotten so bad, that I can't sleep at all at night.  My favorite nose spray is currently not available to me because of birth defects or something, so at the suggestion of a close friend, I started using Breathe Rite strips at night. 

Everything started out fine.  Breathe Rite and I were getting along very well.  I was sleeping better which meant Brad and even Daisy were sleeping better, and that makes for one happy family.  Somehow though, my fat nose built up a resistance to the regular strength Breathe Rite strips I'd been using.  Suddenly they were falling off in the middle of the night or just not working at all.  Breathe Rite and I were headed for a breakup until I noticed Breathe Rite Advanced in my local pharmacy.  I snatched them up and said a little prayer that they would conquer my fat nose and bring sweet sleep back to me.  For about a week, these little guys did the trick.  I noticed I had a little more trouble getting them off in the morning than the regular strength strips, but that was a small price to pay for eight hours of blissful sleep.  I should've really taken notice when I developed a red rash in the shape of the strip on my nose several days later, but c'mon EIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP!!!  Then, the shiz hit the fan.  I woke up a few mornings ago to discover blood on my pillow.  I immediately thought I'd had a nosebleed in the middle of the night (gross but plausible) and proceeded to the bathroom bleary eyed to take a shower.  As the hot water hit my face I tilted my head back and...OWWWW OWWWWW OWWWWW...why is my nose stinging so bad???  A quick hop out of the shower and glance in the mirror revealed that the skin on my fat nose was basically gone!  Breathe Rite had jumped ship in the middle of the night and took some epidermis with it!

In the first day, it just looked a little raw, and I'm not sure that anyone noticed other than that nosy lady in Accounting who notices evvvvverything.  Then, the scab formed, and suddenly people were staring more at my face than at my ginormous stomach for the first time in months.  If I wasn't pregnant, I think it would be cool for people to wonder if I'd been in a fight, but watermelon is only 27 days away from his/her big arrival, and I don't need to already be visiting with Child Protective Services!  Do you know how crazy I would sound saying "I promise, it was the Breathe Rite Advanced's fault!"

Breathe Rite, we are officially broken up.  B, welcome back to the wonderful world of AK and her snoring serenades.

xoxo
AK

p.s.  Baby, 27 days!  Can you believe it?  Today the mattress for your crib arrived and we put the sheets on.  You officially have somewhere to sleep that is not a drawer or cardboard box!  Daddy also installed your car seat over the weekend.  It seems really strange to see a little car seat in the back of the BMW, and Daisy is seriously piiiiiiisssed at her lack of room back there now, but I just can't wait to see your little face and feet back there hopefully jamming to some good tunes.  I guess this is called nesting.  We're all ready for you baby bird!